The little things..

So I literally have not posted in forever.. so I am going to try to do the best i can with this.. So for those of you that know me.. you know that I moved out about a year ago in September. This year has been absolute and complete HELL heck for me.. I have cried more times than I care to count. I have had battles with my self trying to figure out what I am suppose to do! I would ask myself countless questions..

"How do people move away from their families and not care to go back?"

"Why do people think being on your own is fun?"

"How can people not go one day without talking to their mom?"

"Why am I driving myself crazy?"

"How can you leave EVERYTHING you know and go somewhere that you kinda know about it and think its fun?"

"How in the HELL heck are they getting that much money to go do those things with family when they complain about how poor they are?"

There have been lots and lots of questions and that I haven't cared to answer.. because I have finally come to  the point where.. I just need to live for right now.. and just be me.. I need to stop comparing my behind the scenes with every ones highlight reel.. I need to just be me! Hell I am only freakin 19 years old.. almost 20. I am way to young to figure out my life right now.. I need to concentrate on the "little things" I need to breathe and laugh more.. I need to grow up.. haha (even though I have done more growing up this past year that I couldn't even imagine happening) I know I have a lot of supporters and fans (family, friends, and the boyfriend) I just want to thank all of you who have supported me through this past year.

I have been so concerned about making the big things work like where I am working.. when I am going to work.. when I am going to start school..if I am going to go home this month or not..  just so much stress that I forget about the small things. I feel so bad TERRIBLE that I need a little reminder to remember them.

I have been told that when you are upset and stressed you take it out on the ones you love the most.. which in my case.. sense most of my siblings (haha) are in Idaho the next person would be Robert. I hate that what I have been told is true.. but he is amazing. He is my heart and soul. He is basically  IS my everything.. I would do anything for the guy. I know that in the end we are going to end up together and everything will be okay. Because if its not okay its not the end right? He deals with my emotions and hormones like a champ.

• Yeah we have our arguments but guess who is always the one to apologize first? Him. 

• When I am crying because of a girl at work who was beyond rude to me, who is the first to hold me? Him.

•  When I get homesick who is the one that holds my hand and tells me I am going to be okay? Him.

Yeah we have our ups and downs.. more up than downs but when we do have our downs.. he knows exactly what to do to help me through it.. I truly am one lucky girl and I somehow have forgotten how lucky I truly am.

I have been to worried about the big things and my behind the scenes that I take out my frustrations on him.. and I honestly shouldn't do that.. I have been beating myself up for doing it to him.. and I know he understands and he loves me. I am taking a vow right now to not do this to him.. because he deserves a better girlfriend than I have been to him recently.. and again.. I am beating myself up for it.

He is the reason I remember that I need to remember the little things.. I forget that just driving around town holding hands is enough of a reminder that we truly do love each other no matter how hard this past year has been for the both of us.. That simple little text saying I love you is such a big deal.. I have been selfish and just thinking me, me, me, I, I, I when he has been through just the same and he handles it fine and he is my strong man I can run too.. He is my idol and in some ways I need to be more like him.. I know that our relationship is amazing and strong and I love him with my whole entire being...

 "I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love."

I truly love you Robert Greenig..
I hope that you can forgive me for being such a selfish person.
You are simply amazing.. Forever and Always.