The little things..

So I literally have not posted in forever.. so I am going to try to do the best i can with this.. So for those of you that know me.. you know that I moved out about a year ago in September. This year has been absolute and complete HELL heck for me.. I have cried more times than I care to count. I have had battles with my self trying to figure out what I am suppose to do! I would ask myself countless questions..

"How do people move away from their families and not care to go back?"

"Why do people think being on your own is fun?"

"How can people not go one day without talking to their mom?"

"Why am I driving myself crazy?"

"How can you leave EVERYTHING you know and go somewhere that you kinda know about it and think its fun?"

"How in the HELL heck are they getting that much money to go do those things with family when they complain about how poor they are?"

There have been lots and lots of questions and that I haven't cared to answer.. because I have finally come to  the point where.. I just need to live for right now.. and just be me.. I need to stop comparing my behind the scenes with every ones highlight reel.. I need to just be me! Hell I am only freakin 19 years old.. almost 20. I am way to young to figure out my life right now.. I need to concentrate on the "little things" I need to breathe and laugh more.. I need to grow up.. haha (even though I have done more growing up this past year that I couldn't even imagine happening) I know I have a lot of supporters and fans (family, friends, and the boyfriend) I just want to thank all of you who have supported me through this past year.

I have been so concerned about making the big things work like where I am working.. when I am going to work.. when I am going to start school..if I am going to go home this month or not..  just so much stress that I forget about the small things. I feel so bad TERRIBLE that I need a little reminder to remember them.

I have been told that when you are upset and stressed you take it out on the ones you love the most.. which in my case.. sense most of my siblings (haha) are in Idaho the next person would be Robert. I hate that what I have been told is true.. but he is amazing. He is my heart and soul. He is basically  IS my everything.. I would do anything for the guy. I know that in the end we are going to end up together and everything will be okay. Because if its not okay its not the end right? He deals with my emotions and hormones like a champ.

• Yeah we have our arguments but guess who is always the one to apologize first? Him. 

• When I am crying because of a girl at work who was beyond rude to me, who is the first to hold me? Him.

•  When I get homesick who is the one that holds my hand and tells me I am going to be okay? Him.

Yeah we have our ups and downs.. more up than downs but when we do have our downs.. he knows exactly what to do to help me through it.. I truly am one lucky girl and I somehow have forgotten how lucky I truly am.

I have been to worried about the big things and my behind the scenes that I take out my frustrations on him.. and I honestly shouldn't do that.. I have been beating myself up for doing it to him.. and I know he understands and he loves me. I am taking a vow right now to not do this to him.. because he deserves a better girlfriend than I have been to him recently.. and again.. I am beating myself up for it.

He is the reason I remember that I need to remember the little things.. I forget that just driving around town holding hands is enough of a reminder that we truly do love each other no matter how hard this past year has been for the both of us.. That simple little text saying I love you is such a big deal.. I have been selfish and just thinking me, me, me, I, I, I when he has been through just the same and he handles it fine and he is my strong man I can run too.. He is my idol and in some ways I need to be more like him.. I know that our relationship is amazing and strong and I love him with my whole entire being...

 "I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love."

I truly love you Robert Greenig..
I hope that you can forgive me for being such a selfish person.
You are simply amazing.. Forever and Always.

Something Extraordinary

For those of you who know me really well.. you would know that,

1. I believe dreams really do come true, you can make them happen

2. I am a very positive person... I look at all the good things in a situation.. NO MATTER WHAT.

3. I do believe in Santa Clause.. laugh all you want but i do!

4. I am always going to be a little kid at heart.. I still watch Disney Channel. 

5. I absolutely LOVE Tinkerbell.

6. I don't regret anything in my past.. It has made me who I am today

7. When I am alone in my car... I sing as loud as I can.

8. I dance and sing in my mirror when I get ready....

9. I love musicals... they just are so amazing to me! They make me sooo happy!

10. Anything that has to do with castles, pretty dresses, heels,curly hair, make up (basically princess stuff) I am in love with.

11. Something super simple can make me sooo happy for hours

12. I love my family.

13.  I love my Heavenly Father.

14. I do believe that there is true love out there.. and once you have it.. hold on it. 

15. Once I have my mind set on something.. there is no going back.

-This past week I have learned more about myself then I even thought possible.. It has been the best thing for me.. Right now. This is my extraordinary life.. I could honestly look you straight in the eye and say that I am happy.. and that I am really trying to do the best for ME. Its my life.. and I am going to make it the best life that I possibly can. 

My cousin Lexie recently got married this past weekend.. It was hard to see my cousin grow up and move on with her life.. But. She is happy. andddd to me that is all that matters. They are the cutest couple and I am so excited for them and for their new adventures they are about to have together! 

 I never had made it a huge goal to get married in the temple.. The years I was suppose to be thinking about that type of stuff I was preoccupied with other family things.. so I never really thought that is my main goal. I knew I wanted to go through the temple at some point.. but I didn't need to get married there.. but now. It is everything that I want. That is something I didn't know about myself.. but someday, its going to happen! So I am going to make changes in my life so that goal will happen.. And I cant wait when that day comes and I know I did it because I know it was something I wanted to do.. Something that means a lot to me... To do it right the first time with the man I love (who has the same goals).. and I love him more than anything in the world.

The music video that I posted... hahaha even though it is a twilight one.. but its the only video that had the song that I liked in it alright! haha .. But ever sense I was little I have listened to this song when I get sad or feel lost.. just the feeling I get when I listen to this song is something comforting... and I love it.

 My ultimate goal in life is to be happy... and to look back and laugh, cry, love and be proud of my life.

and that is exactly what I'm going to do.

Oh!! and shout out toooooo:

my mom

aaron

tanner

brittnie 

courtnie

seth

lilly

ethan

cori

jenny

kalli

:

My once upon a time starts now.. there is no looking back into the past. Whats done is done, and I am moving on. I wouldn't change my past for anything in the world.. 

my fun, crazy, amazing, breath-taking, things I can laugh at now memories.

my mistakes.

my learning experiences.

my challenges.

my heart breaks.

my love story.

watching myself grow up and change into the person i WANT to be.. things that NO ONE can take away from me. They will always be mine.. forever.

 The future is a scary thing.. trust me, i am one to be scared of the unknown, but at the same time it is the most exciting thing in life. The absolute best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.. and if I take one day at a time.. I say bring whatever life has to throw at me.. I can handle it. Ya know life is a crazy thing.. you can be at your all time low and just want to freeze time and it doesn't stop. It WONT stop.. Life doesn't stop for anyone.. it keeps going.. which is a blessing in itself.. Life is just crazy.

 A lot of what I have been through.. I have gotten through with the help of my Heavenly Father.. I honestly don't know where i would be without him. 

I was taught by only the best.. my mom.

 She is the most amazing person I know. She is my number one best friend and always will be.. I really hope that I can be like her when I have the chance to become a mother(which is NOT soon). Her outlook on life is rare.. she views things in the most positive way that she possibly can.. and why not? Life is TO short to be sitting around dwelling on things you cant change because it is over and done with. Might as well look at it in the most positive way possible and then move on.. She knows everything about me and honestly I think she is soooo amazing. She is like super mom! Raising 7 kids, while going to work, running marathons, going back to school, taking care of football, back to school, bills, cars, drama(little and teenager kind) anything you can think of.. i swear my mom has been through it or something like it. After everything she is still so happy and just full of energy.. told you I've learned from the best right! ;) I love her so much! Because of her.. I KNOW that dreams really do come true. 

 This past summer I moved out.. which was the hardest thing for me.. I was way out of my comfort zone, leaving my mom, my family, my best friend noelia, my town, my job, everything.. Now looking back.. I GREW soooo much from it. I knew i had to do it sometime, just didn't think that it was going to be this soon.. but honestly I am okay! There have been a ton of new adjustments but I think that I have handled myself pretty well! I am the only one in charge of my happiness.. I am in total complete control of my life and my happiness and I know that I am happy. I really am, but I'm always going to have my ups and downs.. that is what makes life worth living.. 

I recently just watched Bridesmaids. I haven't laughed that much in a long time.. My boyfriend probably thought I  was crazy because of how much I was laughing.. but it was good for me.. Laughter is the best medicine possible... now i know what people mean when they say that (:  

Another best friend that I have is... The boyfriend. 

Seriously, this guy can give me butterflies like crazy and make me sooo happy. Because of him I know how I should be treated and I know how real love is.. he is my "love story" and each and everyday is a new chapter about us..  He has been a huge blessing in my life.. When I look at him I know that I am going to be okay, that I am always going to be protected and cared for. He knows me better then I know myself sometimes..ANYWAYS! I am sure that your going to hear more about him later.. but he is amazing.

soooo i probably should go get ready.. but this song that I posted (even though its older) is now one of my favorites:

see you lata fool!